It started with tummy tucks, facelifts and breast implants. First only available and affordable to the opulent, before eventually becoming the norm for the common American woman. Then came hair extensions, hairless pussies and anal bleaching, followed by labiaplasties, butt implants and now? Concealer… for your pussy. Or rather, “genital cosmetic colorant.” That’s right, ladies — your labia’s hue is all kinds of wrong and it’s about damn time you do something about it.
Step in My New Pink Button, a cosmetic dye meant to restore a woman’s “pink.”
Product description via their site:
My New Pink Button ™ is a temporary dye to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia. There is no other product like it. This patent pending formula was designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician after she discovered her own genital color loss. While looking online for a solution she discovered thousands of other women asking the same questions regarding their color loss. After countless searches revealing no solution available and a discussion with her own gynecologist she decided to create her own. Now there is a solution!
Finally! All these years watching porn has left my pussy sad and insecure, and now I finally have an over-priced, unnecessary product to capitalize on my fears by telling me my body’s normal progression is not only unfortunate, but unacceptable. Instead, I strongly ought to consider shelling out $29.95 (plus shipping!) for 20 applications in order to make sure my vertical bacon sandwich doesn’t look overcooked and extra crispy.
A wide range of color choices available, the women that make our melting-pot-of-a-nation may selected from the following shades of genital cosmetic colorants: Bettie, Marilyn, Audrey, Ginger and… wait, no. Nevermind. That’s it. Those are the options: 1, 2, 3 and 4. Apparently the women that make our melting-pot-of-a-nation only come in four shades. Hmmm, I wonder what color my Puerto Rican box would be. Is J.Lo a color option? Guess they don’t have “Rican” colors yet.
The product, which comes with 20 disposable applicators, a mixing dish, the labia colorant dye and an instructional guide, is said to be “easy -to-use” and “applies in just one minute,” — except my instant oatmeal doesn’t even cook that fast, let’s be real here — but in case any of you were worried that this product was tested on animals, fear not! No animals were harmed in the creating and researching of this product. Well, none except the prides of our pussies.
(The testimonials are too nauseating for my written efforts. Click here instead if you’re feeling fat, bulimic and in need of a good purge.)
Source: MyNewPinkButton.com via VenusZine
Comments
JAJAJA NO $h*t!!! Well to be honest I am surprised that anal bleach came before this product. I had not heard of anal bleaching till I went to my waxer and she mentions how strippers, prostitutes, and porn stars do this. I was amazed at all this as I realize that I am on all 4s spreading my butt cheeks apart to get waxed and a thought came to my head “What the HELL am I DOING?!” and just like that I too become a consumer hore.
I know that after having a baby, your vagina does turn “darker”, and apparently as you age you experience color-loss. but I’m all for new products. I think whatever makes someone feel happy, and confident with themselves they should do it. Anal bleaching actually is something that seems hysterical to me, and I’d probably only doit, just to say I had gotten anal bleaching. hahaa