Salon.com wrote an article addressing the haircut and fashion style of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Angelina Jolie’s daughter with actor Brad Pitt. It seems there’s public outcry because the mom cut her daughter’s hair very short, and during a recent interview with Vanity Fair magazine, said her 4-year-old daughter “dresses like a little dude … she likes tracksuits, she likes [regular] suits. So it’s a suit with a tie and a jacket and slacks, or a tracksuit. She likes to dress like a boy.” She added, “She wants to be a boy. So we had to cut her hair. She likes to wear boys’ everything. She thinks she’s one of the brothers.”
Apparently, the haircut and fashion preference of the little girl created chaos among the media and public, people declaring that what’s happened is wrong, moreso because her mother failed to step in and correct the daughter’s perception of what it means to be a little girl.
Um, really? This is happening? We’re condemning a child and mother because of a 4-year-old saying she wants to be a boy? Of all the things to worry about when it comes to parenting, this is a trivial matter. At least to me. Incidentally, others are really upset by it. One man on Salon.com left this comment:
“comfortable” with gender identity
No one should be comfortable with a child who believes they are not the sex they were born with. Chances are they will want surgery and the list of emotional and mental problems associated with so called trans-gendered individuals is enormous. This is nothing to be “comfortable” about.
Oh, Lord. Calm down now. I say that, of course, but I’m just as outraged — not at Angelina or Shiloh, but by people such as this dude above who apparently think homosexuality and transgendered individuals is “nothing to be comfortable about.”
In truth, he has the right to be uncomfortable, even if my perspective doesn’t match his. He has a right to his opinion. What bothers me more is that he’s assigning his view, his outrage, onto someone else’s child. I doubt any lesbians, gays, transgenders or straights are coming up to him and telling him he ought to let his daughter or son do this or that (See his first sentence). What tickles my funny bone, is how it almost sounds as if he cares for the well being of the child in saying that this gender identity issue will create enormous emotional and mental problems, when said problems stem from people such as him that make it a big problem. If a person is neither offended or uncomfortable with the LGBT community, then said community wouldn’t have “the list of emotional and mental problems associated with so called trans-gendered individuals.”
In any case, I left a comment on the Salon.com article, which ended up being about as long as a blog post entry, so I figured I might as well write a post on here, and copy and paste my comment should anyone (*crickets*) care.
I would love to hear what you guys and gals have to say about the matter. Are people making too big a deal out of this? Should Angelina step in? Is Shiloh’s behavior and POV normal or abnormal to you? DISCUSS!
Why is this such a big deal?
My question “why is this such a big deal?” is not geared at Salon.com, nor the people who left the same question as it relates to Angelina Jolie, but as a question concerning America’s fears of homosexuality and childhood development.
When I was a little girl I absolutely abhorred wearing dresses. I was the only girl in a family of all boys — the older male cousins and an older brother — and all I knew was I wanted to run around and scrape my knees, play sports and get dirty with the big boys, but my mom wanted the traditional little girl, with the beautiful dresses, bow-ties and Barbie mansions.
My great aunts were seamstresses, which meant that for every occasion — birthdays, Christmas, Three Kings, Easter — my mom and aunts went fabric shopping, the end product being this beautiful, custom-made dress I would ultimately end up tearing or staining as I ran through the neighborhood with my cousins or male neighbors.
As a matter of fact, to take it a step further, when I was little girl I thought I was meant to be a boy. Not that I *wanted* to be a boy, but despite having a whiney, little girl’s voice, in my head my voice sounded deep, and I thought my exterior did not match my interior. As I’ve grown up, interestingly enough, I often have labeled myself “a gay dude trapped in a woman’s body” for several reasons. I love men — mind and body — but I also love to play sports, have a dirty mouth, and don’t care about fashion or Grey’s Anatomy like many of my female friends do.
Growing up, I played with dolls and Barbie, like many other little girls. In truth, I *loved* my Barbies. More than any of my friends growing up ever did. I was a little girl, after all. But just because I played Barbies and had a vag, I never understood why my playing volleyball, basketball, softball, track, “boy-catch-girl” and dodgeball set me apart from other little girls. Why would any child want to be stationary all day with a plastic doll in hand dreaming of the day Prince Charming finally came to sweep her off her feet?
Now at age 27, I didn’t turn out to be a pants-wearing lesbian, and even if I did, who the f*ck cares? That’s like telling that little girl who grew up playing Barbies and *did* end up marrying Prince Charming — with the white, picket fence, Beemer in the garage and 2.5 kids — that her lifestyle was wrong, too. We can be whoever we want to be, provided we aren’t mean to our neighbors, friends, family and peers.
Three years from 30, I still love nothing more than to wear a t-shirt, jeans and my Chuck Taylors, and who knows why, really. I remember growing up thinking I never wanted to be high-maintenance — that girlfriend your guy-friend dates who can only go to martini bars, never the dive bar for a cold beer straight from the bottle — and something in my youth told me that was synonymous with downplaying my femininity.
If Shiloh wants to be a little boy, and her mother recognizes and allows it, who cares? Is America really that terrified of homosexuality? Dressing like and being a tomboy does not make a woman a future lesbian necessarily. I sure as hell didn’t turn out to be one. And let me tell you, the entire time I was a little girl and was quick to take off my custom-made dress for a t-shirt and jeans, my mom would freak out. I knew she always worried I’d be a lesbian. Yes, even as a little girl. I was young, but social topics were discussed in my household, and I knew the definition by age 8. Now, as a woman, her and I still conflict when it comes to things relating to my gender role. “Why can’t you marry a doctor or lawyer?” she asks. Half the time she makes it sound as if I date crackheads, not artisans. Who cares? A parents role is to be their for their child, to love them unconditionally, and guide them in the rocky path that is life, but it is *not* their role to tell them *how* to lead their lives.
For Christ’s sake, Shiloh got a boy’s haircut and said she wants to be a boy. She’s what? Six? What the hell does she know? When I was that age I told my mom I was never getting married and would live with her forever. And now? Not so much. Shiloh is experimenting, and in living with three brothers, probably doesn’t want to be limited in what she can and can’t do simply because she was born with a vagina. She wants to be one of the boys; wants to be able to scrape her knee and get dirty without being scolded for dirtying her dress, because, guess what, the boys don’t get scolded for dirtying their pants.
Kids will be kids. Let them play. Let them learn. And as for the parents? Love your child unconditionally. *That’s* your role, not defining your child’s gender.
