The first time I watched porn I was 15-years-old. When I searched for videos online, it wasn’t always with the intention of pleasuring myself, so much as to see what was out there.
The truth is everything is out there when it comes to porn. From the most mundane, missionary-style positions, to crazy midget orgies and old people getting it on. But here’s the great thing about the Internet: you get to control what you want to see.
Which is why I take great issue with a recent Salon.com article saying that men think sex is supposed to be way it’s portrayed on XXX movies.
I have a different take on the situation: men who watch the stereotypical porn movies, and think that’s really how it is, are idiots. Their imitating porn isn’t the fault of porn, but the fault of their careless approach on sex.
First off, I’m not even sure what people mean when they say the word “porn.” Anyone who’s looked at porn (especially what’s available online) knows that there is an endless array of style choices that can be found. Not every video is some guy with a double-digit-sized dick ramming it to some big-tittied blonde while some other dude explodes on her face. No, there are all types of porn out there, and I do believe that the type of porn a man watches is a reflection of who is.
While I’m not going so far as to blame the woman for hooking up with a man who thinks “sex” is jackhammering a girl à la “porn sex,” I am going to stress the importance of open communication early on in the relationship.
Most of my friends think I’m insane for this, but on a first date I always ask a man if he watches porn. My follow question is always, “What type of porn?” And while the man could surely lie, I find that if I divulge some of my own XXX secrets, they often will follow suit and divulge some of their own.
I’ll agree that sex is a very private, very intimate affair, but I am more interested in not wasting my time with someone I won’t be sexually compatible with in the long run than worrying about any early judgments.
It is not the fault of porn movies for those men who jackhammer their partner in the style of bad porn sex as the Salon.com author suggests. Any male lover worth a lick knows that’s not how it works. If anything, it is the fault of the men for not seeking out accurate information about sex to guide and teach him.
Chances are if your male partner is doing you like a jackhammer it’s either because he’s a bad lover, or he doesn’t care about pleasing his partner. In my experience, I find that women most complain about the jackhammering “technique” during casual sexual relationships, one-night-stands, or during their first sexual encounter with a new interest.
I would vouch to say that during a situation such as a one-night stand, each participant isn’t concerned with pleasuring the other so much as they are concerned with pleasuring themselves. Thus the man isn’t going to invest all time and energy into extensive foreplay, or learning where your spot is. At that point, he just wants to get the job done.
The good thing if this happens at the beginning of a budding relationship is that she can talk to him about what she likes and dislikes, while he, too, follows suit. While I believe sex to be instinctual, I also believe that sex is about communicating. We’re not mind-readers. No one knows our bodies better than ourselves. Verbalizing one’s sexual preferences will lead to a more satisfying experience for all participants.
As a female who watches porn, I think there are some wonderful videos out there that not only come off as an accurate representation of what sex is like (think “amateur” porn), but some can actually teach us a technique or two, it’s just a matter of what type of porn you’re watching and asking for feedback from your partner.
What do you roosters and clams think — is porn ruining men’s perception of what sex should be? Discuss!
And for your viewing pleasure, here are some pics adult actress Sasha Grey as photographed for Vice Magazine. Enjoy!
Text Source: Salon.com, Image Source: ViceLand.com
Comments
I think when it comes to porn … its a reflection of who you are, what you would like to experience, and just plain ole curiosity
I would have to agree. I think it’s common for one to peak around and see what’s out there, and you might adopt a thing or two, but in the end you are the one who chooses what to watch.
And if what you’re watching is amateur porn, a good deal of the time those movies are shot by normal people who are comfortable enough to put it out there. Seriously, almost every guy I’ve dated watches amateur porn, and I really do think it’s a reflection of them.
Most amateur porn I’ve watched is very much like it is in the real world, with normal muscle-to-fat ratio, real breasts, realistic penis sizes, sexually charged dialect that is still realistic in context, and showcases a desire between the participants, reflected in their excitement and techniques.
melysa
If there are men in this world who think working as a pizza delivery man will get your dick sucked when you get to the door of some hot chick then they’re delusional. Although, that would be the most awesome day at the job EVER!
Kenny I believe the employment of pizza delivery would completely rise if that is a FACT.
I think people watch porn that’s five steps ahead of their own sex life. If you want a threesome but have never had a threesome, you’re watching threesomes. I tend to watch anal scenes (butt sex between men and women specifically) because I like anal sex and anal porn turns me on. And that’s what porn is supposed to do. By the way, I call a woman’s butt the VIP section cause its not for everyone. Only the special people.
i like the pics of sasha grey shes hot and from my hometown not that its anything to be proud of.. check her out in the boyfriend experience! i thinks its called and its a real movie not porn
Well, my boyfriend and I are completely in love, and most of our sexual experience ( 2 years now) with each other has been love making…and I just got bored with it…so we started watching porn together and having “jackhammering” sex!! I think because I know he loves me, it doesn’t bother me and I actually find myself enjoying the “porno” sex amazing!
@ Vanessa,
You raise a good point I meant to address. Sometimes us women WANT to be “jackhammered!” Not all the time, but sometimes we crave some aggression and pounding. It can’t always be red roses and John Tesh playing in the background.
xoxo
melysa
writer/editor, AreYouShaved.net
PS,
@WMR,
I heart the fact that you call anal sex the VIP section. I heart it because it’s (so) true!
xoxo
melysa
writer/editor, AreYouShaved.net