Sex education is an issue I don’t take lightly. (Case in point, here.)
Not only is it imperative for parents to sit down with their children and explain to them the scientific process of what sex is, but it’s equally as important for parents to sit down with their kids and guide them through the mental and emotional aspects related to sex, including social stigmas, cultural expectations, male rights, and feminist ideals.
With this in mind, I wanted to see if I could get your take on this dad who took his 11-year-old son to Hooters, and then blogged about it, leading to a backlash from parents who considered his parental skills lacking.
During his rebuttal written for USAToday, Blogger Dad Bob Elston explained:
I think those who faulted me for engaging in immoral and irresponsible parenting actually missed the main point. Perhaps there is a small chance that eating a cheeseburger in the company of busty women might push my son over the edge. It will more likely pull him away from it. That’s one of the lessons I learned from the way my parents raised me.
My dad bought me a Playboy magazine when I was a teenager — not to stoke my sexual fire but to open the topic for discussion. My mother, who was also at the Hooters lunch with us, feels strongly that an innocent lunch is a safe way to demystify sex for kids. “I don’t want my grandson to come unglued at the sight of a woman’s breasts,” she said.
This is a universal issue for all parents to deal with in their own way. I am not trying to push my son — or any of my four children — into the deep and complicated waters of sex. Nor am I some kind of a macho dad who is waiting to high-five his son when he becomes active. I realize that sex is seeping its way into his life, and now is the time for my wife and me to guide him through these moments so that he can someday make responsible decisions on his own. And if he learns the wrong lesson, there is still time to set him straight.
I thought long and hard about what I had to say about this, because honestly I’m a little miffed by all parties. First off, I went to Hooters with my family when I was a little girl, and what I remember most about it is that no one made a big deal about it.
Living in Puerto Rico, a culinary culture not associated with making the best hot wings, we went to Old San Juan to get our fix. My entire immediate family was there (mother, father, older brother) and we sat and ate wings, and what I remember most about that day is that I felt like it should have been a big deal, but it wasn’t.
My dad and my brother, then in his teens, didn’t make crass or vulgar comments, and my mother wasn’t offended (or ogling either, for that matter). It was just a family dinner outing like any other, except the chicks at this place had push-up bras and wore skin-colored stockings under their short shorts.
Similar to this Blogger Dad, my parents subscribed my older brother to Playboy, although the timeline isn’t the same as Elston’s who says his dad got it for him in high school. My brother was actually 11-years-old when my parents subscribed him to it.
As a little girl, around 5 or 6-years-old, I recall running out of my older brother’s room with a Playboy in hand and telling my parents, “Peter has dirty magazines!” My mom would reply with,”That’s perfectly natural. You’ll understand when you’re older. Now put that back in his room. You’re not supposed to be going through his things.”
Then again, sex wasn’t a secret in my household. And I think that’s my main issue with Blogger Dad Elston having taken his son to Hooters at 11. Gathering from his blog post, he has yet to have a talk about the birds and the bees with his son.
First off, at 11-years-old, your children should already know about the birds and the bees in my opinion. My mother spoke to me about it when I was around 4 or 5, and honestly, the thing I recall most about that conversation was her pulling out the encyclopedia and reading the definition of “masturbation” to me. I thought to myself, Oh, so that’s what I’ve been doing! There’s a name for it!
I’m naturally a very sexual person, and appreciate the fact that my mother schooled me early, because it allowed me to realize early on that the urges I was already feeling and acting upon were natural.
In the case of Elston taking his 11-year-old to Hooters without ever having discussed sex before-hand, however, I do believe raises some issues for concern. Same way you can’t hand your son a Playboy without discussing sex beforehand, you can’t take your kid to a place where women are scantily clad without some form of preparation.
What concerns me most about the trip, isn’t what the women are wearing, so much as how the other men dining at Hooters interact with the female servers.
For my father’s birthday some years back, my stepmom, little brother and I went to Hooters. We ate wings, talked about politics as per usual, my dad and I had a couple of beers each, and then the Hooters’ girls made him get on the table and dance.
I’m sure even friends of mine thought the trip inappropriate, but I felt that if anything, my dad was the one humiliated by having to stand on a table and dance.
While we were there, there were some skeezy older men hitting on the scantily-clad servers, and I shit you not when I say that one of the old dudes had his hand on one of the female servers ass while she played along to his bullshit small talk.
Immediately, the first thing I did was turn to my little brother, who must have been around 8-years-old at the time, and said to him, “You see that there, don’t ever do that. I don’t care how hot the chick is, and whether or not she allows it, don’t you ever think that because a chick is showing cleavage and wearing short shorts that that means you can treat her disrespectfully. Don’t do that. You’ll look like a pervert, and a jerk, and it’s gross.”
For the most part, the women who work at Hooters have chosen to work there. And good for them, I guess. I don’t give a fuck what they do, if they’re just servers, or if they are also strippers on the side, or if they’re going to school for their masters, but they still ought to be treated with respect, and if anything I think that’s what this Blogger Dad should have tried to get across to his son, especially at such a pivotal age in a young boy’s sexual awakening.
As for the critics, what saddens me most are the women who called the Hooters waitresses “whores” and others who labeled Elston “disgusting.”
There are several different takes on feminist ideals, some of who support careers like prostitution and stripperhood, with the idea that feminism is freedom to what you wish, same way men can do what they wish. Then there’s the ideal that such professions keep women down and are classless and shouldn’t be allowed socially-speaking, or legally-speaking, either.
Trust me, I’ve considered being a Hooters waitress. The more I thought about it, it’s not for me. I don’t suck up to anyone, especially not a man, and I’m not one for showing cleavage, so it’s definitely not for me. However, if a woman wants to do it, why the fuck should I care. That doesn’t make them a “whore.”
There are plenty of women I’ve come across who use men for their money, and they don’t work at Hooters, and I would totally classify those women as whores. Oh, you are independent you say, but won’t date a man who says no to buying you those $500 Chanel sunglasses? WTF is that about?
A whore is someone who exchanges sex for money, and I see it done all the time by chicks who want to get something out of a man, and trust me, it can be done while wearing a t-shirt and jeans, or that little-black-dress you love oh-so much.
And while Elston’s technique might have flaws, I would hardly call him “disgusting.” Disgusting is the man that takes his son to a whore house to lose his virginity, or the man that thinks he can grab a Hooters’ waitress’ ass because she’s wearing short shorts.
It is my belief that discussing this topic without name calling is way more beneficial to the children, who are the real topic of conversation. One is more prone to listen to what an opposing party has to say if they share their critiques in a manner that’s respectful, instead of just pointing fingers and labeling one another.
I’m aware this post was long, but if you read some or most of it, I’d love to hear what you have to say!
Source: USAToday
