According to the Enquirer (aka the most reliable source ever!), a sex tape featuring Puerto Rican actress Jennifer Lopez is currently being shopped around by her first husband, Ojani Noa, whom she’d married 12 years ago.
The video, which is rumored to be 11 hours long, includes:
- Footage of the boricua flaunting her booty in front of a bathroom mirror while wearing only a bra and panties
- Scenes with her playing “sexy bedroom games”
- Her being chased around the bedroom in skimpy underwear while her ex spanks her rump roast
- A shot of her climbing onto a motorcycle wearing a short dress and no panties.
Ay, caramba! Now this is a celebrity sex tape worth watching! As a celebrity sex tape connoisseur, trust me when I say that not all celebrity sex tapes are created equal. With the exception of the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee tape, the rest of them have all been complete duds.
And really, isn’t that the real reason we all despise Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian? Because the bitches didn’t have the decency to make sex tapes worth watching? I’d rather touch myself to dead fish rotting in the Sahara Desert than those two brainless, rotting fish tacos.
But this Jennifer Lopez sex tape, this sounds like it could be pretty good. If it’s anything like what the most reliable source ever! claims, then we’ll not only get to see some skin, but some enthusiasm on behalf of the participants. And I’m all about enthusiasm in the sack.
I suppose I should add that I think her husband is an asshole for selling such an intimate series of moments, but when will bitches learn to quit leaving sex tapes in the hands of anybody else but themselves? If you don’t want anyone else to see your sex tape, here’s a hint: don’t let anyone else have a copy!
Comments
Maybe she’ll make her ass do tricks UNLIKE Kimmy Kakes. She laid there like a slab of meat at a slaughter house.
I agree that all sex tapes should be kept in the hands of the female for you never know what your X might do after the break up.
Also this has to be my fav. part of the article “I’d rather touch myself to dead fish rotting in the Sahara Desert than those two brainless, rotting fish tacos.”